The Stench of Dead Cat

*Phone rings*

Hello

Heya Kyle

Oh hey, you sound better, you looked like shit yesterday

Haha yeah thanks mate. They gave me some really strong antibiotics last night and I woke up this morning feeling loads better.

Miracles of modern medicine eh?

Ye, and I got a really nice nurse on duty today too, she said I should be all good to leave soon.

Really? You have picked up well then.  Do you need a lift later? I'm not working today so I can be on call for when they discharge you

No, I'm all good thanks, she said they are sorting out my transport

I didn't think they did that, I thought you had to make your own way home

So did I, maybe the nurse is sweet on me or something haha

Haha Maybe. Welcome home party then?

Hang on a bit, I'm on lots of meds still, gunna be a while before I'm well enough for booze and parties

Soooooo next week then?

Haha yeah

Have you stopped leaking stinky goo yet?

Eww, yeah, it's more just crusty and scabby now. It just itches around the stitches

Don't be scratching them

I'm not gunna

It did stink though, it reminded me of that time we found that dead cat in the woods; like rotting cat

Awwww man stop it, I'm gunna puke. My belly feels weird though, like lumpy

Lumpy?

Haha yeah, I know they took stuff out, but it feels like they put something in

Maybe the surgeon lost his wig during the operation haha

Ha, maybe it's an alien

We're not having the celebrations at my house if you are gunna do that whole John Hurt thing all over the table. I am not cleaning up after that

I thought you might be more worried about the alien running around your house than the mess

Yeah that is a concern, I would have to get some alien repellent haha.  I'm sure it's just swelling, it'll go down

Yeah, it's just a bit tender but not bad really

Hang on, Jenny's shouting, just a min

OK

(quiet, muffled voices, confused) *What!....... But he's on the phone......are you sure.....no.......I'm telling you I'm talking to him now...........call her back........just call her back*

Errrrm..........I don't know what's going on but..........this doesn't make any sense

What?

Jenny says your mum just called on the landline but I don't get it, something must be majorly fucked up

What did she say? Whats wrong?

.................................She said you died this morning

WHAT! I can't believe they would make such a huge mistake, she must be devastated. I'm gunna go get this.........................(abrupt stop)

Tom?  .......   Tom? You there?

Yeah.....

You ok?

No, I didn't see us before...........what the fuck?

Fuck you talking about? What's going on?

Over there, mum, dad and Beth

So your mum's there? So she knows you are ok then?

No........I'm freaking out, what's going on? I'm scared, what do I do? Fuck!

What? Come on man, talk sense, whats happening?

It was the infection wasn't it? Shit, that fucking infection, I don't know what to do

Tom I swear, for fuck sake just tell me whats going on!

I'm dead............. I'm sat talking to you but I'm in the bed and they are all crying

Are you fucking with me?  This sort of shit really isn't funny man

I'm dead

You're sat talking to me, you're not dead.  Are the pills affecting your brain? What's wrong with you?

The nurse is here............she said it's time to go..................................... they're expecting me

So you are coming home then? ........ Tom? ......... TOM!!!!

(Hospital background noise and sobbing)

(Kyle under his breath) For fuck sake ........... (shouting) TOM!!!!!!!!!

(Phone disconnects)